School Of Life || Schule Des Lebens

I moved on to different lessons in life. I met various teachers on my way. I mentioned before I am a Buddhist. I am Buddhist with all my heart and soul. Saying so, you have to understand that this still doesn’t put me in chains to follow some sort of Buddhist rules only. Of course I take it serious and it all has it‘s reason, but I’m wise enough to question what is needed and good for me. I chose what I want to deal with and what I am willing to accept. It is me, creating my world. It is on me choosing to be positive and happy within the situation that I am in, right that moment.

Right now I am stuck in a Burn Out, which is a depression. It is the toughest I’ve ever discovered and it’s something we normally shouldn’t be confronted with. It is one of the biggest extremes that can happen. A Burn Out can push someone close to quitting all this, but this also can be seen as a big chance: using it to change life and to move on. Turning it into something positive. I am accepting what it is. I am not fighting it anymore. Burn Out sucks, believe me. It is complex and unless you haven’t made your own experience with it, you’re lucky to not have a clue about this disease. It is much more than being exhausted. It can lead to a point we’re nothing works anymore. People happen to give up, meaning having suicidal tendencies, to give it a name.

I got some of my people worried. Sometimes I am worried myself. I worry about what the Burn Out might do to me, something that might be our of my control.

Saying this I know it is a tough one. It is extreme, it sure is. It is dead serious. Life and death, two contraries. Sometimes contraries are very close to another. It can be a very thin line.

I trust, I am on the right way though, as I’m learning to accept help: therapy, sanatorium, medicine and help on daily regular challenges.

I spoke to a close friend the other day and once again I realized how important it is to discuss things. It helps understanding and putting things in order. I am reaching a better understanding. So yes, this is a very hard time I am discovering for more than two years now. It is a hard lesson to be learned. I need to go through this and I’m hanging in. Acceptance. Believe. Strength. Faith. Keeping myself going… being alive.

“Sometimes you are facing situations when you have to question everything. You have to investigate. You have to pull yourself through.”

Sovely Matters

If you happen to look back to things in your life, you might have an idea of things that were important to you. Maybe you know what you learned out of certain situations.

I had a bright shiny life a few years ago, while I was living in Frankfurt. I loved my life back than and I have fond memories of it. I always enjoy remembering it. It was all about me. The end of a great work career, good money that allowed me to live in the perfect single apartment and in the perfect surrounding. I enjoyed life to the max, with great restaurant and bars, shopping, drinks and food and especially meeting interesting people from all over the world. I was free and did what ever I wanted. It was a wonderful and rich time, very vibrant and alive.

Certainly I sometimes miss that time, especially nowadays when I look at where I stand right now. Though I’ve been aiming for something else, the circumstances brought me to the opposite site. Caught in a difficult job, as a single mother and many many challenges and responsibilities in life. Often I’m exhausted. Sometimes I feel lonely. Sometimes I feel trapped.

My current situation is forcing me to take a break. Life wants me to really learn something big right now. I am using this break to reflect. Seeing things becoming more clearly. I take a step back to really do a big jump ahead.

The other day my love questioned what I learned out of my time in Frankfurt. I always considered this a rich time, but so far I did not raise that question myself.

What did I learn during my period in Frankfurt?

“I learned about who I am. I learned to follow my dreams and take what I want. Feeling good about myself and within my body. Accepting myself and my needs. Asking, discovering and so much more. I had freedom and enjoyed it to the max. I became a mature women.”

Sovely Matters

I realized that very often in my life, I thought I‘d be ahead of my reality. I thought I’d be better. I saw myself as I desired to be and not like I really was. I learned to accept mistakes, weakness and all that. I know it‘s all part of life. I thought, I had a lot of love for myself. Since I’m a person with a lot of positive energy, full of life and positive attitude. I am someone you definitely see shining, when I am in a room. I‘m full of love, dedicated and passionate. So of course I love myself, right?!